In Sudden Turn of Events, MAGA is Now Concerned About Man-Made Climate Change

No, not THAT man-made climate change

Consensus may have finally been reached on whether or not man-made climate change is real. If MAGA is talking about it, then there is real hope we can all agree on how to tackle this problem.

Oh, wait, they’re not talking about that man-made climate change, where 150 years of industrialization has spewed dense toxins into the atmosphere, potentially altering said atmosphere to the point where weather patterns are increasingly more extreme and more threatening to the survival of the human race.

They’re talking about that other man-made climate change, the more believable one where shadowy government actors are using lasers and other opaquely described futuristic technology to create whatever weather patterns they want, anytime they want, on any specific geographic region they want, for whatever reasons they have.

According to MAGA, bringing awareness to this ability is very apropos because we are about to have had two major hurricane events in two weeks across the southern United States, a stronghold of Republican politics. And this is happening less than a month from the most important presidential election in our lifetimes, if not American history.

Coincidence?

Well, yeah, of course. But let’s examine some of MAGA’s current theories on this subject, just for funsies.

Marjorie Taylor Greene, one of the most prominent purveyors of MAGA “thinking”, put out the following Xeet soon after Hurricane Helene caused havoc in states of Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, and North Carolina:

At the time, this could be shrugged off as another crazy MAGA conspiracy theory, just another spaghetti noodle on the dinner plate that was thrown against the wall to see what will stick.

But undaunted by the extensive Community Notes (when the Community Notes are this much longer than the original post, you know there may be a falsehood involved), Greene went further, doing practically a dissertation on the subject.

Okay, maybe not a dissertation, but more like a modern version of the book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*but were afraid to ask); the title of this project would be something like Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Government-controlled Weather* (*but were too intelligent to be aware of such nonsense to even think of asking).

Greene is so confident in her beliefs that she mocks all of us ignoramuses that think that the methane that cows have produced since the beginning of their existence might somehow affect the atmosphere:

Why would the government want to control the weather? Why is she pushing this idea so hard at this time? What could possibly be the purpose of creating two intense hurricanes back-to-back?

She explains in a Xeet provided below. It should be noted here that this is the first time in history a Republican has considered voter suppression a bad thing for the Republican Party.

Never mind that Georgia and Virginia voted for the Democratic nominee in 2020, North Carolina is a toss-up that Democrats could easily win in 2024, and Florida is not too far beyond that for Democrats this election as well. Also, never mind that Trump is going to win Tennessee, Kentucky, and South Carolina no matter what catastrophe happens to hit their states. And ignore the fact that the hardest hit area of Western North Carolina includes the Democratic stronghold city of Asheville, not to mention all the urban areas in general that are included in this electoral map.

Other that those exceptions, one can obviously see that Republicans alone are being targeted by this weather event inducement. This is totally a plot to keep Republicans from voting.

All this crazy conspiratorial nonsense aside, I think we can say that it’s refreshing that MAGA is at least considering the possibility of man-made climate change, right?

Right?